No one ever said starting and running a business was easy. Additionally, no one mentions how hard it is for female entrepreneurs to juggle both business and romance. Evin Rose is a dating and love coach who teaches millennial women how to transform their relationships with themselves. She helps them show up authentically and wholeheartedly in their dating lives. Evin joins Her Life By Design to discuss how you can create your own love story as a busy female entrepreneur.
Creating Your Own Love Story as a Busy Female Entrepreneur
Evin originally started her career as a life coach with no clients and no niche. And one of her first clients was a successful career woman who seemingly had it all together on the exterior. But she felt stuck as she caught herself repeating unhealthy patterns when it came to dating. Through their work together, Evin realized her abilities to coach her client through wild breakthroughs. So much so that her client ended up ditching the guy she kept going back to. Instead, she started forming real connections elsewhere.
And it’s through their work together that Evin realized her calling. So she continued her training in different areas of love, relationships, and dating. Today, she focuses on helping career-driven women transform their romantic lives through healing their relationships with themselves.
Switching Between Your Masculine and Feminine Energies
When it comes to romantic relationships, business-oriented women struggle with balancing their masculine and feminine energies. After a long day of meetings, running our businesses, and leading our teams, it can be hard to switch out of the masculine and into the feminine counterpart.
Why does this matter?
Evin begins by reminding us that “we all have masculine and feminine energy within us, this is not a gender-specific thing.” Our masculine energy takes charge when we’re in work mode–as we focus on energy output, problem-solving, and getting things done. This is time spent in our heads and our masculine energy serves us really well in this area.
On the other hand, our feminine energy is what allows us to receive. “This is where we’re more connected to our intuition, our desires, our pleasure…” Evin says. “It’s really important that we’re able to shift. Even if we take dating or romantic relationships off the table. We need to shift for ourselves and fill our own cups back up so we won’t be running on empty.”
Stepping into our feminine energy when we show up in our relationships means connecting to the receiving and intuitive aspects of ourselves. This allows us to show up with vulnerability, openness, acceptance, and a willingness to connect.
In this episode, Evin and I discuss habits and rituals for getting into your feminine. This allows us to shed our masculine energy in order to fully step into our feminine.
Identifying Attachment Patterns
Evin’s career-driven client’s story also teaches us the importance of identifying attachment patterns. If we’re feeling stuck in our love life, taking the time to identify what we’re struggling with internally can be beneficial.
“80 something percent of the work that we can do to transform our dating lives is not actually just dating strategy,” Evin claims.
The gimmicks that grace the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo will not help us become better romantic partners. Instead, we need to be willing to look within ourselves. What’s more, we need to take responsibility for our fears, self-sabotaging behaviors, and the patterns that disconnect us from our partners.
What is Attachment Theory?
To help us uncover our patterns, Evin suggests looking into attachment theory. “We’re all wired as humans to bond with and connect to. And we feel safest when we’re in connection with loved ones,” Evin shares. How we were cared for as children actually influence the way we form attachments in our lives today.
Evin brings up the example of feeling anxious and avoidant in a relationship. For example, people who lean into the anxiety show up from a place of fear. “We are preoccupied or can be kind of obsessive about the people we’re dating or our partners. We put them on pedestals, a lot of our fears revolve around them leaving or pulling away from us.”
Whereas someone who shows up as more avoidant, they value independence and autonomy. However, they still have this innate desire for closeness and love. People who err on the side of avoidance tend to keep their partners at arm’s length. This can end up sending hot and cold signals to their partners, pulling away from any semblance of closeness.
How Past Experiences Influence How We Show Up in Relationships
Our attachment styles don’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong with our relationships. In fact, Evin suggests that we should learn how to work with the way we’re wired. These attachment patterns could’ve been formed in early childhood. But a lot of them could also stem from our early romantic experiences.
For instance, Evin’s first boyfriend in high school was a textbook avoidant. Through that relationship, she dealt with a partner who didn’t necessarily take her needs into serious consideration. Having done the work, she realized that her self-sabotaging behaviors and patterns stem from that particular relationship. “Our fears have the most power over us when we don’t even realize it,” Evin says. Because she didn’t have enough awareness to realize what was really going on with her high school partner, she gave her fears the power to creep into her future relationships.
Rewiring Our Love Stories
Evin’s experience and lack of understanding from her high school relationship caused patterns that would follow her into the future. “We take those unconscious fears, those limiting beliefs, those old stories, and they become self-fulfilling prophecies. So we push people away out of that fear that people are going to leave us and when that relationship ends, we say ‘see, I was right.’”
If you lean more avoidant, your relationship fears may make closeness look like a lack of freedom. And if you are someone who identifies as avoidant, what can you do to rewire your love story?
Evin clarifies that “the first thing is just to validate that your value around your own freedom, your own independence, your own autonomy is totally valid.” Instead of feeling ashamed for valuing your independence and freedom, give yourself permission to feel that way. Evin also reminds listeners that relationships we see on TV and media aren’t necessarily what all relationships should look like. “We think having a romantic relationship means I have to talk to the person all day every day, or there’s something wrong with me.”
In this episode, Evin dives into ways we can rewire our love stories, starting with validating our own needs. She also discusses the importance of pinpointing the experience that created that story. Then, Evin shares how we can create a relationship that would feel safe for us by protecting what we want to protect.
Without judgment, Evin reminds listeners that “one of the most empowering truths out there is that you get to create the relationship that you want.”
As busy female entrepreneurs, we often find ourselves dedicating so much time and focus into our businesses. And as a result, we might find it hard to navigate love and relationships. Where we would be able to identify our self-sabotaging behaviors in entrepreneurship, pinpointing them in our romantic lives might be a little harder.
But this episode isn’t just for business-oriented, career-driven women. Evin shares her advice on all things dating in the modern world. So tune in and hear what she has to share from tips for dating during the pandemic to how to move on from a breakup.
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Evin’s website: https://www.evinrosecoaching.com/
Love Life Transformation: https://www.evinrosecoaching.com/llt