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We’re venturing into a topic that we haven’t explored much of on the podcast. So today, I’m so excited to be chatting with a professional matchmaker, Maria Avgitidis, all about dating and relationship advice.
Maria, better known as matchmaker Maria, is the CEO of NYC based matchmaking service called Agape Match.
She comes from a long line of family matchmakers and Maria has been a matchmaker for 13 years herself. Her process combines modern relationship psychology as well as various search techniques to make sure that her clients find their ultimate match.
In this episode, we’re diving deep into dating and relationship advice from questions to ask your dating app matches, intangible green flags to look out for, and so much more.
Dating and Relationship Advice from Professional Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis
Unfortunately, matchmaking is not for everyone. So how do you know if you’re a great candidate for matchmaking?
The first step you need to take on your matchmaking journey is to match your matchmaker. You’ll want to “have a conversation about your dating history and your dating expectations.”
“We have to figure out what the need is and how we can fulfill it. If we can’t fulfill it, we’ll refer you to a service that we trust.”
Say you match with Maria as your matchmaker. The next step will be having a conversation about your dating history, dating expectations, and the potential experience of working with Maria.
Once Maria feels like the match is a great potential match for you, she would send you their bio and coordinate the date.
Finally, after your first date, Maria will collect feedback and move into whether or not a second date should be set up. “Usually three out of five first dates go on second dates.”
If not, Maria and her team will learn, from the date, how to calibrate better for matches. But also, you’ll learn a lot about your own dating style and behaviors.
Great Questions to Ask Your Matches
Let’s face it – the most common way we date in this day and age is through dating apps. Navigating question prompts, swipes, and first dates can be a lot. So Maria is here to help make this process a bit more manageable.
In fact, one of the services that Maria’s company provides is online dating management where she’ll take over your profile.
“One thing we learned is that you shouldn’t be talking about the kind of person you want to meet. A lot of people do some prompts like I’m interested in meeting someone who’s this this this. Don’t do that. Instead, use your profile to fish.”
What Maria means by this is “use your profile to bait the people to self-select. Like use game theory and let the garden weed itself.”
You want to answer those prompts with value-driven answers and hobby-driven answers, baiting people to message you.
And according to Maria’s expert opinion, lists get the highest response rates because they’re very easy to talk about.
“Some of our favorite prompts are like on a typical Sunday, I’m etc. If you value health and fitness, that’s your opportunity to write five things that you would actually do on a Sunday. Especially if you had a partner, you’d give people a glimpse of what your life is like.”
How to Know if You’re a Match on Your First Date
There are 3 things that Maria recommends looking for on your first date…
- Value answers
- Relationship answers
- Risk assessment
“One of my favorite questions to ask people on dates is, tell me more about your friends? What is your relationship with them? How often do you see them? You can learn a lot about someone when they talk about their friends.”
Here’s another question that Maria suggests asking on a first date…
“You win a million dollars on a scratch-off ticket that your boss gave you, what do you do with the money?”
“Everyone has a very different answer. And you can learn a lot more about their relationship with their boss. Would they ever give them money back? What are they going to do with that money?”
The bottom line of Maria’s advice is to converse, dig deeper, and learn so much more about the person.
The Purpose of the First Date
I’ve had many different first-date experiences. Sometimes, the first date is riddled with anxiety and jitters. Other rarer times, conversation flows seamlessly and everything feels safe and easy.
Generally speaking, first dates tend to be nerve-wracking and high-pressure.
To which Maria says “the purpose of a first date is the second date. It is not determining if there’s a spark, if you are even attracted to them, or if they are financially compatible with you. It is not to determine if you could marry them or have kids with them.”
When it comes to determining a great first date and therefore if there’ll be a second one is…
- Did you enjoy yourself?
- Are you curious about the person?
If your answer to both of those questions is no, you don’t have to go on a second date. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out on the first date.
However, one more thing you need to keep in mind as you prepare for your first date with someone is your expectation.
“I think a reason why some dates don’t go the distance is expectations. Did they meet reality? How many times have you met someone who did not look like their photos?”
This is why Maria suggests having your first photo be what you would look like on a date today. And your second photo should be a full-body shot of what your body looks like today.
Understanding Your Dating and Relationship Styles
This conversation with Maria provided me with so much insight into dating and relationships. Maria’s advice alleviates a lot of the pressure that comes with first dates, especially if you’re new to the world of online dating.
We discuss so much more about relationships as Maria shares her wisdom on the different phases of love, attachment styles, dating fatigue, and how you can cultivate a deeper relationship.
So click the player below to tune in to this episode!
A glance at what we discuss:
- How Maria became a matchmaker [4:16]
- Is matchmaking right for you and how Maria’s matchmaking works [13:49]
- How Maria determines a potential match [22:40]
- Great questions to ask your matches if you’re on online dating apps [27:54]
- Intangible green flags to look for on your first date [37:41]
- The different phases of love [42:01]
- Tips for cultivating a deeper love and a successful relationship [44:11]
- How to sus out your own attachment style [47:08]
- Are people getting dating app fatigue and tips for meeting people in person [51:28]
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